Am I too old for this?

Jason missed our anniversary again. I normally don't give a s*it and there isn't actually a celebration that gets me excited, including birthdays and Christmas, I'm a horribly placid and flat person, nothing marvels me anymore.

But to say to me over the phone, when I say "Happy Anniversary", "This is not our anniversary, we got married in January", after 3 years we celebrated it on 5th of September (the day we first met), is plain thoughtlessness.

All day I was hoping he would turn up with some flowers (WTF?? I really must be getting old), and Toni, my friend was at ours when he turned up empty handed and covered in c*rap from work and she said "Happy Anniversary, Jason" and, yes, he replied "This is not our anniversary, it's in January, when we got married", yes, making a total idiot of me.

I was actually speechless for the first time and failed to stand up for myself in fron t of such an utter morron, I felt like I've been stabbed in the back and all I feel now is deep disgust and hate for my husband.

How sad. I cried last night (again, getting horribly old) and I wish we didn't have to go to London.

There are days when I wonder why did I choose Jason? What made me fall in love with him?

And, of course, the same horrible thoguht of separation and, even more, the thought that out there must be a man that actually could love me the smallest bit is wrestling in my mind again.

I feel awful, but deeply disgusted with my life. I must be too old for this, I must enter the midlife female crisis.